Kassie Shanafelt
Promising Twenty-Three Year Old’s Life Cut Short
Miss Kinda Indecisive died unexpectedly in her closet at the age of twenty-three.
Miss Kinda Indecisive is survived by her relatives, Slightly Hesitating, Somewhat Doubtful, Sporadically Faltering, Sorta Indefinite, and Rather Unclear. She is preceded in death by Absolutely Definite.
Miss Indecisive was born in Texarkana to Always Indecisive and Never Decisive. She holds an MA in General Studies. She never married. She would have met her soul mate on a blind date, but she could not find the perfect thing to wear. She would have been selected as an award-winning author, but she kept ripping the pages out of her Moleskine. She would have moved away to California, but it never felt like the right time.
A funeral is not yet scheduled. All are welcome to attend and celebrate Miss Indecisive’s life. Flowers and condolences may be sent to her parents.
Local Character Finally Dies
After a long struggle, Annoying Habit died at the age of one hundred six. Annoying Habit is survived by her relatives, Aggravating Habit, Bothersome Habit, Second Nature, and Addictive Fixation.
Annoying Habit’s place and date of birth are unknown. She received a PhD in Neuroscience, with a special focus on Willpower. She married her high school sweetheart at the age of eighteen, but probably never had any real friends.
A memorial statue will be erected at the public library on Tuesday, with a reception and memorial service to follow. Obsessive Pattern will officiate the ceremony. All are welcome to attend and celebrate Annoying Habit’s life.
The Party Is Over For This Family
Merry Goodtime died peacefully in her sleep on Friday at the age of twenty-one.
Merry is survived by her brother Sans Goodtime. She is preceded in death by her grandmother Jolly Goodtime, her father Grand Ole Goodtime, and her mother Glorious “Glory” Goodtime.
Merry was born in Las Vegas, Nevada to her parents, Grand Ole Goodtime and Glorious “Glory” Goodtime. After moving to Miami, Merry began working for an event planning company. Her friends knew her as the life of the party.
A wake is scheduled for Sunday at 7 pm. Nix Excitement will officiate the ceremony. All are welcome to attend and honor Merry Goodtime’s life.
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Kassie Shanafelt is a social media manager based out of Brooklyn, NY. Her work has appeared in Enclave. She is the founding creative director of Millennial Pink, an online community for fellow creatives.